Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Maybe Advertising Can Solve All The World's Problems?


Pepsi just defused social unrest. Dove of course has already treated and cured all female insecurities. But there are still too many brands on the sidelines of "purpose" marketing. So I helped several of them out by making (very rough) concepts for them. See them all here—on Digiday.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Use This One Weird Trick to Become a Better Copywriter.


Wanna be able to write headlines as good as these? Good luck! See more of the great Fallon McElligott ads of the 1980s—90s here—LINK to my latest post on Digiday.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Deciphering Meaningless Marketing Headlines


I tried—and failed—to find meaning in 9 recent marketing headlines. Take a look here—my latest post for Digiday.

Friday, March 17, 2017

Why "Fearless Girl" is one of the best ad stunts in the last 10 years.


It's simple and it has "creative tension".
Read more on good vs. bad ad stunts here—copyranter on Digiday.

Friday, March 10, 2017

What If Trump Let Brands Use His Brand?


More bad Trump ads here—LINK on Digiday.

Friday, March 03, 2017

Does Facebook Advertising Even Work A Lick?


Shares and Likes ≠ sales spikes.
Read why here—on Digiday.

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Fashion Advertising Is Out Of Ideas.


No fresh concepts. Zero originality.
Read why here—my latest post for Digiday.

Friday, February 17, 2017

We Are The New Diversified Ad Agency Of The Future!


We are Manifold Motley + Miscellaneous (our logo, above), and we foster unthinkable diversity! We have Blacks, women, Muslims, homeless refugees, centenarians, a stove-pipe sponge, and both serial and spree killers on staff! Read more about us on Digiday—LINK (this is "satire").

Friday, February 10, 2017

An Inquiry: Is This The Dumbest Commercial Ever Produced?


It might be.
Decided for yourself here, LINK on Digiday.

Friday, February 03, 2017

CREEPY BRAND MASCOTS REFUSE TO DIE


Why? Because brands/agencies are too lazy and scared to come up with an actual new campaign concept. Read more here in today's Digiday post—LINK.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

The Lost Art of the Meaningless Tagline


Copywriters, these days, can't even write a decent meaningless tagline. Above are just two recent bad examples. Just Do It and Think Different were meaningless taglines, but they conquered the world for Nike and Apple. Read more in my latest post for Digiday—LINK.

Friday, January 20, 2017

2017: The Year of the "Creative".


Everybody's making ads now, so everybody's a "creative".
This is not a good development, unsurprisingly.
Read more about this trend here, my latest post for Digiday—LINK.

Thursday, January 05, 2017

The Absolute Worst 10 Ads of 2016.


Including not one but two unoriginal, stupid "pregnant" man campaigns. Plus a dehumanizing, Dystopian subway station takeover by Facebook. The worst of the worst will not be a surprise to you. LINK—on Digiday.

Friday, December 30, 2016

The 6 Best Ads You Didn't See This Year.


There were ZERO (0) greats ads this year. I'm not kidding. But, here are 6 decent ones you might have missed, including the above graphically appealing campaign by Leo Burnett Dubai for McDonald's coffee. See the rest here—LINK.

Friday, December 23, 2016

Brands that use hashtags as taglines are fucking idiots.


"Search for better", Subway? I can find a better sandwich in any deli/prison.
Read about more stupid brand hashtag taglines on Digiday—LINK.

Friday, December 16, 2016

So You Wanna Be A Change Agent...

Above: you can tell he's a "change agent" because he anthropomorphized "Crocodiles"

If you're a change agent, wanna be a change agent, wanna know what the fuck a change agent is, or think all marketing people should just shut the Hell  up, you'll find this to be a snackable piece of engaging content—LINK on Digiday.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

ON SHITTY COPYWRITING.


Seven recent examples, including this pathetic, pandering Häagen-Dazs NYC subway poster that reads like it was written by a 5th grader from Indiana. See all the shitty writing here—LINK on Digiday.

Thursday, December 01, 2016

This Season's 5 Worst Christmas Commercials


They're all bad, but the Lexus spots are the absolute worst.
My latest post for Digiday—LINK.

Friday, November 25, 2016

I've Finally Found My Stock Photo Dæmon.


He's on Shutterstock, labeled: "Senior Man Using Laptop Computer At Rest In Park Outdoors". He is the perfect physical manifestation of my Inner Self. More about him (he's Russian) and more photos via my new post on Digiday—LINK.

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

What's the Difference Between a Smart Senseless Ad and a Stupid senseless Ad?

It's very subtle, but there is a difference.
Read about it in this post I wrote for Digiday—LINK.


Friday, October 28, 2016

It's Official: Everybody Hates Advertising Now.


It's not just the General Public and "Banksy". No, now even ad men and women, even creatives, hate it. Read why here, on Digiday.

Friday, October 21, 2016

What is a Copywriter, Exactly?


And what do they do? Well, I'll tell ya, exactly, what they are and what they do, right here, on Digiday—LINK.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

The 5 Most God-Awful Taglines in America.


Pick your least favorite, here on Digiday.

Monday, October 03, 2016

We desperately need more "Advertising Assholes"


Wussies are killing ad creativity.
We need the ad "assholes" (like Lois) to rise up NOW.
Story by me on Digiday—LINK.

Monday, September 26, 2016

What Ad Agencies Will Look Like in 2025.


No creative departments, No account execs, no Big Ideas, but Sir Martin Sorrell, one way or another, will still be chairman of WPP. Read the story on Digiday—LINK.

Friday, September 16, 2016

Casual Sexism Alive & Well in Advertising


See all six casually-sexist ads here, on Digiday.


Friday, September 09, 2016

Seven Recent Ads That Don't Suck.


Check them out here—LINK on Digiday.

Friday, September 02, 2016

How to Beat Writer's Block.


This post is for all creatives, CWs, ADs, and designers—LINK.

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

True Confessions of an Analog Ad Man in a Digital World.


I am so, so very lost every day.
Post LINK, on Digiday.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

How To #Win At Social Media.

Brands! You are #Losing!
Here's exactly what you have to do to starting #Winning!
LINK—copyranter on Digiday.

Friday, August 05, 2016

How To Write Good Obnoxious Copy.


ATTN: copywriters.
LINK, on Digiday.

Monday, August 01, 2016

The Worst Big Brand Ads Of 2016.

Terrible, Terrible, and even more Terrible-er. 8 ads.
LINK—on Digiday.

Monday, July 25, 2016

The new AdBot 9000 just wrote copy for 8 brands.


Copywriters? We're dead meat.
LINK, on Digiday.


Friday, July 15, 2016

Using Sex To Sell Unsexy Products Is A Bad Idea.


Using sex to sell unsexy products can get very awkward, like with these ads for a Malaysian breast cancer association: "be a victim of fashion, not cancer." Seven more of these awkward ads here, on Digiday.

Tuesday, July 05, 2016

Does Advertising Even Work Anymore?


Short answer? No.
Long answer? FUCK no.
An explanation here, on Digiday.

Friday, June 24, 2016

8 Best Fake Ads Of The Year. Via The Chip Shop Awards.


Fuck Cannes. Here's some real creative talent, LINK.

Friday, June 17, 2016

How To Tell If You Are A "Thought Leader".


If you answer "yes" to these seven questions, well then, you're allowed to call yourself a fucking "Thought Leader". LINK—on Digiday.

Friday, June 10, 2016

Calvin Klein 2016: Smells LikeTeen Desperation.


CK has finally done it: made stupid boring sex ads, the worst fashion campaign I've ever seen.
LINK, on Digiday.

Friday, June 03, 2016

Creative Briefs—the worst pieces of communications in business history.

The Creative Brief is always about one thing and one thing only—covering asses.

Friday, May 27, 2016

The Best Ads of 2016, So Far.

Including a wonderfully weird Swedish spot for cider (above).
See all the ads here.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Worst Ads Of 2016, So Far.

Including a print ad for a hoo-hah moisturizer with the headline: "Va-dry-na?"
LINK, on Digiday.

Friday, May 13, 2016

The Most Insufferable Vodka Ad Ever Produced.


Six disaffected rich assholes take a ride on a French Blimp. Unfortunately, a passing German ME-106 doesn't blast it out of the sky. Brand: Grey Goose. LINK: copyranter on Digiday.

Monday, May 09, 2016

Nine New Ways To Be More "Creative" in 2016.


Many many creative "experts" have recently posted their "secret" methods for improving creative thought. I sifted through them and created this brilliantly curated list post. Plus I added a couple of my own, including "Put dead things on your desk like a human skull, your father's ashes, bad taxidermy". I promise if you read this, you will become more "creative." LINK.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Why Chevy's Prince "Tribute" Ad Was Awful In Every Way.

It wasn't just an unethical ad. It was creatively tasteless.
copyranter on Digiday—LINK.

Friday, April 22, 2016

"Death" Is Selling A Lot Of Product These Days.


From shoes to snowboards to contacts to bottled water, etc.
See all the ads here—LINK.

Friday, April 15, 2016

Who The Hell's Responsible For The Linguistic Destruction Of Advertising?


I'll tell you who, but if "scare" quotes scare you, maybe don't click—LINK.

Friday, April 01, 2016

REPORT: Inside The McDonald's Tagline Bunker.

McDonald's is desperately trying to come up with a tagline to appeal to Millennials.
They're not doing so well. copyranter on Digiday—LINK.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

The Go-To Ad Joke Is—Still—The White Male Moron.


The hyper-laziness of the ad industry continues...(LINK).

Friday, March 18, 2016

The Best (And Worst) Things Ever Said About Advertising.


I've been collecting ad quotes for 11 years.
Here's eight good ones—LINK, copyranter on Digiday.

Friday, March 11, 2016

The Lost Art Of The Billboard.


If Brands took a small part of their big, useless social media advertising budget and put up ONE great billboard in a high visibility area, that baby would be shared online like the clap. Big ROI. LINK: copyranter on Digiday.

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